$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
