Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
