Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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