dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
