she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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