can we get nightvision for the apartment?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
