just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
