The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize