i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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