that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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