So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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