Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
