i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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