first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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