I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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