is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I look better un-naked...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
