i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sober January is a disaster.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
