i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
FUCK WHALES
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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