Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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