marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
