you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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