took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
