Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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