Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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