His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
