my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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