I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
