never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
