You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
