Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
be right there i have to get my cape
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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