this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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