Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
