why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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