Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
