so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
