he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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