K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
