Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
