drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
