Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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