Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
