today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
