the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
