i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
