I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
