That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
