I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
