you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
