guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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