please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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