The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
