The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
