So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
