i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
