The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
