dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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