Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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