what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
